Excessive Expectations.....

“How many of my frustrations and disappointments come from expecting too much!  It is good to set our standards high, but only if we are prepared to accept, with unperturbed serenity, results that fall short of what we expect.

We expect more of the addict than a sick, confused human can deliver.  Once he is sober, we expect a complete transformation.  Above all, we make too great demands on ourselves.

Let me learn to settle for less than I wish were possible, and be willing to accept it and appreciate it.  I will not expect too much of anyone, not even of myself.  Contentment comes from accepting gratefully the good that comes to us, and not from raging at life because it is not better.  This wholesome attitude is by no means resignation, but a realistic acceptance.

“What you have may seem small; you desire so much more.  See children thrusting their hands into a narrow-necked jar, striving to pull out the sweets.  If they fill the hand, they cannot pull it out and then they fall to tears.  When they let go of a few, they can draw out the rest.  You, too, let your desire go; covet not too much….’  (Epictetus)”

Excessive expectations are the precursors to resentments.

If We Don't Forgive....Our Sin Is Greater........

For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:

But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. [Matthew 6:14–15]

That our own forgiveness should be conditioned on forgiving others can be a hard doctrine, particularly if the sin against us is horribly wrong and out of all proportion to any harm we’ve ever committed. Even harder, the Lord has indicated in modern revelation that “he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin” (D&C 64:9). This is a very strong statement: if we refuse to forgive, there remaineth in us the greater sin. How can this be? As I hope to explain, our salvation is conditioned on forgiving others because when we refuse to forgive, what we are really saying is that we reject, or don’t quite trust, the Atonement. And it is our acceptance of the Atonement that ultimately saves us.

Faith to Forgive Grievous Harms: Accepting the Atonement,

James R. Rasband, BYU, October 23, 2012

While Emotions are Churning, WAIT......

Have I ever accomplished anything good while my emotions were churning with hysteria?  Am I aware that reacting on impulse—saying the first thing that pops into my head—defeats my own purposes?  I couldn’t lose by stopping to think: Easy does It.  Wouldn’t any crisis shrink to manageable size if I could wait a little while to figure out what is best to do?  Unless I’m sure I’m pouring oil on troubled waters, and not on a raging fire, it might be best to do and say nothing until things calm down. Easy Does it.

Today’s Reminder

It may take a bit of self-control to back away from conflict and confusion.  But its wonderful protection for my peace of mind, unless I can say or do something to quell the storm, I’ll only be inflicting punishment on myself.  And each little battle I win—with myself—makes the next one easier.  Take it easy, for easy does it.  It will all seem much less important tomorrow!

“Quietness is a great ally, my friend.  As long as I keep my poise, I will do nothing to make bad matters worse?

Reach down DEEP...... Faith to answer the call!

“My appeal is that you nurture your own physical and spiritual strength so that you have a deep reservoir of faith to call upon when tasks or challenges or demands of one kind or another come. Pray a little more, study a little more, shut out the noise and shut down the clamor, enjoy nature, call down personal revelation, search your soul, and search the heavens for the testimony that led our pioneer parents. Then, when you need to reach down inside a little deeper and a little farther to face life and do your work, you will be sure there is something down there to call upon.

When you have your own faith, you are prepared to bless your family.

Faith to Answer the Call,  Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, July, 2011

Be Renewed In Spirit.........

It is possible to live with all your power in the present. You can replace old doubts with new hopes. So clean out that closet in your mind and haul a load of needless negative baggage off to D.I. 

You can begin by practicing just three simple exercises in right thinking: (1) Remember that any failure is only temporary in the gospel of Jesus Christ. The decision to carry on in spite of disappointment turns the worst circumstance into success. (2) There can be no self-pity--and that means no self-pity. Nothing dissipates our strength faster or more quickly drives away those who would truly wish to help us than self-pity. (3) Eliminate all "would haves," "could haves," "should haves," and " if onlys." What has happened is past and finished. Leave it there. Profound power will come in living and making things right in the present. 

Be Renewed in the Spirit of your Mind PATRICIA T. HOLLAND Brigham Young University on 6 September 1988

We Are Not Responsible....

We are not responsible

The power of hope expressed in these examples is sometimes rewarded with repentance and reformation, but sometimes it is not. Personal circumstances vary greatly. We cannot control and we are not responsible for the choices of others, even when they impact us so painfully. I am sure the Lord loves and blesses husbands and wives who lovingly try to help spouses struggling with such deep problems as pornography or other addictive behavior or with the long-term consequences of childhood abuse.

Whatever the outcome and no matter how difficult your experiences, you have the promise that you will not be denied the blessings of eternal family relationships if you love the Lord, keep His commandments, and just do the best you can. When young Jacob “suffered afflictions and much sorrow” from the actions of other family members, Father Lehi assured him, “Thou knowest the greatness of God; and he shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain” (2 Nephi 2:1–2). Similarly, the Apostle Paul assured us that “all things work together for good to them that love God” (Romans 8:28).

Dallin H. Oaks, “Divorce,” Liahona, May 2007, 70–73

“God helps those who don’t try to take over His work.”

I have tried everything.  He won’t listen to reason.  I’ve yelled and complained, paid bills, threatened to leave—nothing works”.

Of course not.  This is you applying the force, and that never works.  I suggest you stop taking action.  The only force that can change the pattern is the pressure that builds up inside of him when the family refuses to react any longer.  When he can’t count on your helping him, when you won’t assuage his guilt by fighting with him and you refuse to get him out of trouble then he’ll be compelled to face up to things.  In other words, try inaction instead of constantly figuring out something to do about him.

It is not easy to restrain ourselves from reaction to what others do that seems to affect us.  A healthy detachment brings about the very changes we were powerless to make by continually fighting the problem.

“God helps those who don’t try to take over His work.”