The Cycle of your family

This has helped us. Perhaps it will help you.-Allen and Linda

I come from a family in which the last three generations on my father’s side have created a heartbreaking trail of damaged families and lives. Looking at the situation honestly has imbued me with a determination not to repeat the cycle of destruction I grew up with. I have found two principles to be particularly helpful:
First, set appropriate boundaries between yourself and family members who are still caught in the cycle. You can love and forgive and at the same time choose not to associate with those whose actions are incompatible with breaking the cycle.
Second, be patient with yourself. We are each given talents and gifts in this life. We are also given unique challenges to overcome. Heavenly Father knows my challenges. When I turn to Him, He helps me see that I am not a bad parent because I struggle with the same behaviors that my parents and other family members display. He loves me for fighting against those behaviors. Unlike the adversary, who teaches me that my family’s dysfunction both defines and eternally limits me, my loving Heavenly Father reveals to me the beautiful miracle of a life emerging from the ashes of sin.

From Questions and Answers, Ensign, June, 2012

Forgiving and forgiveness

“The special secret of true forgiveness-anger resolution.  Here it is:  For you to forgive another person, it is not required that he ask for your forgiveness….
“For you to forgive another person, it is not required that he deserves your forgiveness….
“For you to forgive another person, it is not even required that he is aware he has been forgiven.
“What I am saying,” she interrupted, “is there is not a shred of evidence from experts or books-including the Bible-that demands a person ask for, deserve, or be cognizant of the process before you can forgive him. Forgiveness, it turns out, is a gift that means more to the giver than it does to the receiver.”
“Incidentally,” she said, “ it is important that we forgive ourselves….
“The answer for you and me is the same as it is when we deal with someone else who has offended us…forgive the offender and move on.”
“We don’t manage our anger, we resolve it.”
.

Island of Saints, Andy Andrews, Nelson Books, 2005, p 237

What do we want Most Donald Hilton

What do I want most?

When I was a neurosurgery resident, a professor would give us algorithms to remember important information in what he called his “rules of three.”  He called this “cerebral software.”  And it is through writing spiritual software into our brains that we program protective and healing principles which lift and liberate.  In beginning the programming process, three questions are essential.  What do you want?  What are you willing to do?  How far are you willing to go?  On a spiritual plane, these questions evoke the saving and exalting principle of consecration.  Elder Neal A. Maxwell said, “Consecration is both a principle and a promise, and it is not tied to a single moment.  Instead, it is freely given, drop by drop, until the cup of consecration brims and finally runs over.” (October Conference, 1995)  Recovery is a process which occurs over time.  Relapses are not uncommon in early stages of recovery, but as the person learns to avoid previous pitfalls and looks to the Savior, relapses will stop and full healing will occur.  Those who heal completely from addiction will do so only through consecrating their all to the Savior and allowing the Atonement to do what they can’t do alone.  As Elder Bruce C. Hafen said, “We can have eternal life, but only if there’s nothing else we want more.”(April Conference, 2004)


DONALD L. HILTON, JR.
2009 ADDICTION RECOVERY CONFERENCE

How we know when are forgiven....

Some people are harder on themselves than the Lord is. Of course, we must repent to be eligible for the cleansing and forgiving powers of the Atonement, but once we have repented, there is no such thing as a spotted repenter in God’s kingdom.

There is no black mark on our right ankle that says “2008 sin” or brown stain behind our left ear that says “2010 trespass.” The Lord declared the comprehensive cleansing power of the Atonement when He said, “Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow” (Isaiah 1:18). That is the miracle of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

On some occasions I believe our sins are cleansed before the guilt goes away. Why is that? Perhaps in God’s mercy, the memory of that guilt is a warning, a spiritual “stop sign” that cries out when similar temptations confront us: “Don’t go down that road. You know the pain it can bring.” Perhaps for those in the process of repenting, it is meant to be a protection, not a punishment.

How Do I Know When I Am Forgiven? By Elder Tad R. Callister Of the Presidency of the Seventy,  Liahona Aug. 2012 ¬

struggling love one!

On Nov 27, 2014 8:13 PM, "Tamy Scheurn" <tamyscheurn@hotmail.com> wrote:

I offer some final thoughts for those who love a family member who is not making good choices. That can challenge our patience and endurance. We need to trust in the Lord and in His timing that a positive response to our prayers and rescue efforts can occur. We do all that we can to serve, to bless, and to submissively acknowledge God’s will in all things. We exercise faith and remember that there are some things that must be left to the Lord. He invites us to set our burdens down at His feet. With faith we can know that this straying loved one is not abandoned but is in the watchcare of a loving Savior.

Recognize the good in others, not their stains. At times a stain needs appropriate attention to be cleansed, but always build on his or her virtues.

When you feel that there is only a thin thread of hope, it is really not a thread but a massive connecting link, like a life preserver to strengthen and lift you. It will provide comfort so you can cease to fear. Strive to live worthily and place your trust in the Lord.

For Peace at Home BY ELDER RICHARD G. SCOTT, ENSIGN, MAY,

Thanks for this talk,  I love listening to Richard G. Scott.   I will remember this.  If there is one thing I know it is that my Heavenly Father knows me and I love him and my Savior and think of the love he has for us to offer His Son.  I don't know that I could do that, I love my children too much.  I guess I just need to be reminded that even though I feel alone and don't think I can do it, to remember to give it to the Lord.   I love you and Tom, thanks for giving letting me come up and have a little taste of "Heaven".

Love
Tanya

LOVE and TRUST

Taped to my bathroom mirror are two words: Love and Trust. Love is to remind me to do just that—love. Trust is a reminder to trust in the Lord, trust in the journey, trust in the process, trust my intuition—trust.
I don’t know if my son and daughter will ever be at church every Sunday. Maybe another child will decide that church isn’t for them anymore. Maybe my son will never get married in the temple. But I can live with it because I trust God. I trust in His promises. I trust that He loves me, He loves my children, and He blessed me with the children that I have for a reason.
Answers don’t always come neatly wrapped in a Sunday School lesson. Sometimes they come in unexpected life experiences. But the answers come.
I trust that as I love my children and others completely, I can trust in the Lord’s will and His judgments. Some days are hard, but I love and I trust. Sometimes that’s the best you can do

Navigating Family Differences with Love and Trust
By Becky MackintoshMarch 22, 2017

resentment

Thought For Today
Resentment

We hear many warnings against harboring resentment.  It is a rare person who does not yield to resentment when he feels wronged by some one.  Or we resent our fate, our bad luck, our lot in life.

No amount of self-discipline can heal us of resentment.  Sometimes it seems the more we struggle against it, the more it sneaks up on us, surging like a dark sickness into the mind, plunging our emotions into turmoil.

We know it’s destructive; we may earnestly want to free ourselves from it.  What can we do?

First we think of our own personal good.  Does it hurt the person we are resenting?  Or DOES IT HURT US?  Then we reflect that this damaging emotion comes from not understanding its cause. Let’s dissect it and find out what, inside us made us react the way we did.

Today’s Reminder

I have no room for resentment in my new way of life.  I will not fight it with grim determination, but will reason it out of existence by calmly uncovering its cause.

The best antidote for resentment is the continual practice of gratitude. (One day At a Time)

“Nothing on earth consumes a man more completely than the passion of resentment.”  (Fredrich Nietzsche)

uncomfortable...long enough

Since my mom passed away, I’ve often reflected on Nephi’s exchange with the angel when the angel asks, “Knowest thou the condescension of God?”
After what I imagine was a moment of profound reflection, Nephi responds,
    “I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning
    of all things” (1 Nephi 11:16–17).

This knowledge—that God loves His children—does not take away the pain of our uncertainty or make everything all right. Instead, this knowledge gives us the courage to be uncomfortable enough long enough to feel our way through the sometimes long and painful process of coming to understanding.

Sisters, In Healing....

If you find yourself in this situation, sisters, healing may be a long process. It will require that you prayerfully seek guidance and appropriate help, including counseling with properly ordained priesthood holders.
As you learn to communicate openly, set appropriate boundaries and perhaps seek professional counseling.
Maintaining spiritual health throughout the process is vital!
Remember your divine identity: you are a beloved daughter of Heavenly Parents. Trust your Father’s eternal plan for you. Continue daily to increase your understanding of the doctrine of Jesus Christ.
Exercise faith each day to drink deeply from the Savior’s well of living water. Rely on the endowment of power made available to each of us through ordinances and covenants.
And allow the healing power of the Savior and His Atonement into your life
The Master Healer By Carole M. Stephens, Ensign, November, 2016fi

My Will is Gods Will?

When I say to myself that I am going to turn all my problems over to God, this does not give me leave to shirk my responsibilities.  I have been given certain tools with which to run my life, and the free will to use them.  They include judgment, intelligence, good will and the power to reason.  Perhaps much of my trouble stems from having misused these tools.  Judgment may have been warped by resentment, my intelligence by failure to face issues honestly.  God will can be lost when we are unable to be tolerant of the faults of others.  The power to reason can be dulled when we fail to detach ourselves from the emotional content of a problem.

When I am desperate enough to ask for help, I will not expect it to come in the form of easy solutions.  I must play a part in solving my problems, but God will provide the guidance and the strength to take the right action.

“I pray for the wisdom to understand my difficulties clearly and honestly, and for the strength to do something constructive about them.  I know I can count on God’s help in this.”