The Cycle of your family

This has helped us. Perhaps it will help you.-Allen and Linda

I come from a family in which the last three generations on my father’s side have created a heartbreaking trail of damaged families and lives. Looking at the situation honestly has imbued me with a determination not to repeat the cycle of destruction I grew up with. I have found two principles to be particularly helpful:
First, set appropriate boundaries between yourself and family members who are still caught in the cycle. You can love and forgive and at the same time choose not to associate with those whose actions are incompatible with breaking the cycle.
Second, be patient with yourself. We are each given talents and gifts in this life. We are also given unique challenges to overcome. Heavenly Father knows my challenges. When I turn to Him, He helps me see that I am not a bad parent because I struggle with the same behaviors that my parents and other family members display. He loves me for fighting against those behaviors. Unlike the adversary, who teaches me that my family’s dysfunction both defines and eternally limits me, my loving Heavenly Father reveals to me the beautiful miracle of a life emerging from the ashes of sin.

From Questions and Answers, Ensign, June, 2012

Forgiving and forgiveness

“The special secret of true forgiveness-anger resolution.  Here it is:  For you to forgive another person, it is not required that he ask for your forgiveness….
“For you to forgive another person, it is not required that he deserves your forgiveness….
“For you to forgive another person, it is not even required that he is aware he has been forgiven.
“What I am saying,” she interrupted, “is there is not a shred of evidence from experts or books-including the Bible-that demands a person ask for, deserve, or be cognizant of the process before you can forgive him. Forgiveness, it turns out, is a gift that means more to the giver than it does to the receiver.”
“Incidentally,” she said, “ it is important that we forgive ourselves….
“The answer for you and me is the same as it is when we deal with someone else who has offended us…forgive the offender and move on.”
“We don’t manage our anger, we resolve it.”
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Island of Saints, Andy Andrews, Nelson Books, 2005, p 237

What do we want Most Donald Hilton

What do I want most?

When I was a neurosurgery resident, a professor would give us algorithms to remember important information in what he called his “rules of three.”  He called this “cerebral software.”  And it is through writing spiritual software into our brains that we program protective and healing principles which lift and liberate.  In beginning the programming process, three questions are essential.  What do you want?  What are you willing to do?  How far are you willing to go?  On a spiritual plane, these questions evoke the saving and exalting principle of consecration.  Elder Neal A. Maxwell said, “Consecration is both a principle and a promise, and it is not tied to a single moment.  Instead, it is freely given, drop by drop, until the cup of consecration brims and finally runs over.” (October Conference, 1995)  Recovery is a process which occurs over time.  Relapses are not uncommon in early stages of recovery, but as the person learns to avoid previous pitfalls and looks to the Savior, relapses will stop and full healing will occur.  Those who heal completely from addiction will do so only through consecrating their all to the Savior and allowing the Atonement to do what they can’t do alone.  As Elder Bruce C. Hafen said, “We can have eternal life, but only if there’s nothing else we want more.”(April Conference, 2004)


DONALD L. HILTON, JR.
2009 ADDICTION RECOVERY CONFERENCE