“Christlike service often teaches others to help themselves and is motivated by the Holy Spirit and by the inner character trait of charity. If I serve to prove my worth, to look good, to feel good, to be seen of men, to prove that I am needed, to feel important, it proviteth me nothing. If I am dependent on the receiver to act a certain way, to thank me with a certain fervency, or to change their thoughts of action to suit me, my giving has crossed over the line from Christian service to codependency. The term “codependency” originally referred to wives of alcoholics. It meant that the wife was dependent on the spouse who was dependent on the alcohol. She was addicted to “fixing” him, helping him, covering up for him, serving him in numerous ways that actually weakened him and enabled him to stay stuck in his alcoholic behavior. The codependent title soon became a catch-all for any behavior where a person is focused on changing another person instead of sticking to his or her own stewardship (a typical mote/beam problem) or using service as a way of pleasing and manipulating others”.
It is also, as Allen puts it, “Wrapping your emotions around someone or something and letting them or it control you.
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