Co-dependency......

“Christlike service often teaches others to help themselves and is motivated by the Holy Spirit and by the inner character trait of charity. If I serve to prove my worth, to look good, to feel good, to be seen of men, to prove that I am needed, to feel important, it proviteth me nothing. If I am dependent on the receiver to act a certain way, to thank me with a certain fervency, or to change their thoughts of action to suit me, my giving has crossed over the line from Christian service to codependency. The term “codependency” originally referred to wives of alcoholics. It meant that the wife was dependent on the spouse who was dependent on the alcohol. She was addicted to “fixing” him, helping him, covering up for him, serving him in numerous ways that actually weakened him and enabled him to stay stuck in his alcoholic behavior. The codependent title soon became a catch-all for any behavior where a person is focused on changing another person instead of sticking to his or her own stewardship (a typical mote/beam problem) or using service as a way of pleasing and manipulating others”.

It is also, as Allen puts it, “Wrapping your emotions around someone or something and letting them or it control you.

Following Christ’s Example......

Following Christ’s Example:

          What is Christ’s pattern for service?  He mercifully does for us only what we cannot do for ourselves, he never infringes on our agency, and allows us to suffer the consequences of our own choices.  In the Bible dictionary, a portion of the definition of “Grace” is to “receive strength and assistance to do good works that (individuals) otherwise would not be able to maintain if left to their own means.  This grace is an enabling power that allows men and women to lay hold on eternal life and exaltation, after they have expended their own best efforts.”

          If we follow Christ’s pattern, we will not step in and keep someone from expending their own best efforts.  We will not do for others what would strengthen them to do for themselves.  To do so sends a powerful crippling message that they aren’t good enough or strong enough to accomplish it on their own.

Seek Sunlight......

"I am asking that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life we 'accentuate the positive.' I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good, that we still voices of insult and sarcasm, that we more generously compliment virtue and effort.

"I am not asking that all criticism be silenced. Growth comes of correction. Strength comes of repentance. Wise is the man who can acknowledge mistakes pointed out by others and change his course.

"What I am suggesting is that each of us turn from the negativism that so permeates our society and look for the remarkable good among those with whom we associate, that we speak of one another's virtues more than we speak of one another's faults, that optimism replace pessimism, that our faith exceed our fears." (Ensign, April 1986, p. 2-4). Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley

Seek Sunlight......

"I am asking that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life we 'accentuate the positive.' I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good, that we still voices of insult and sarcasm, that we more generously compliment virtue and effort.

"I am not asking that all criticism be silenced. Growth comes of correction. Strength comes of repentance. Wise is the man who can acknowledge mistakes pointed out by others and change his course.

"What I am suggesting is that each of us turn from the negativism that so permeates our society and look for the remarkable good among those with whom we associate, that we speak of one another's virtues more than we speak of one another's faults, that optimism replace pessimism, that our faith exceed our fears." (Ensign, April 1986, p. 2-4). Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley

Embrace Each Day......

Doesn’t it seem foolish to spoil sweet and joyful experiences because we are constantly anticipating the moment when they will end?

Do we listen to beautiful music waiting for the final note to fade before we allow ourselves to truly enjoy it? No. We listen and connect to the variations of melody, rhythm, and harmony throughout the composition.

Do we say our prayers with only the “amen” or the end in mind? Of course not. We pray to be close to our Heavenly Father, to receive His Spirit and feel His love.

We shouldn’t wait to be happy until we reach some future point, only to discover that happiness was already available—all the time! Life is not meant to be appreciated only in retrospect. “This is the day which the Lord hath made … ,” the Psalmist wrote. “Rejoice and be glad in it.”

Brothers and sisters, no matter our circumstances, no matter our challenges or trials, there is something in each day to embrace and cherish. There is something in each day that can bring gratitude and joy if only we will see and appreciate it.
Of Regrets and Resolutions, Pres. Dieter F. Uchtodorf, Ensign, Nov., 2012

Loves You!!

God closes doors no man can open & God opens doors no man can close

Trust our Father in Heaven
Trust He is there
Trust He cares
Trust He has our best interest
Trust in His Timing

Our Father in Heaven loves you, you are precious beyond measure!...............YES, WE MEAN YOU

MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR PAST

SO

IT WON’T MESS UP YOUR FUTURE

Don’t judge past behavior by present knowledge

Discouragement.....

Discouragement

(Bruce C. Hafen)

          “Some Church members feel weighed down with discouragement about the circumstances of their personal lives, even when they are making sustained and admirable efforts.  Frequently, these feelings of self-disappointment come not from wrongdoing, but from stresses and troubles for which we may not be fully to blame.  The Atonement of Jesus Christ applies to these experiences because it applies to all of life.  The Savior can wipe away all of our tears, after all we can do….

          “The Savior’s atonement is…the healing power not only for sin, but also for carelessness, inadequacy, and all mortal bitterness.  The Atonement is not just a sinners”.  The Atonement of Jesus Christ covers more than the consequences of sin.  The Atonement covers all the effects of the Fall of Adam.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell explained:

          “Since not all human sorrow and pain is connected to sin, the full intensiveness of the Atonement involved bearing our pains, infirmities, and sicknesses, as well as our sins.  Whatever our sufferings, we can safely cast our ‘care upon him; for he careth for [us]’ (1 Peter 5:7)” (Not My Will, But Thine” [1988], 51).

Insight of the Holy Ghost....

The Holy Ghost will teach us, providing perspective about “things as they really are, and…things as they will be” (Jacob 4:13; D&C 39:6; 75:10). This sense of proportion is needed daily!  Not only does He reach mortals in their many niches, but the Holy Spirit “searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God,” and this must be so because the “things of the Spirit of God…are spiritually discerned” (1 Corinthians 2:10, 14).  The Holy Spirit is thus ready, if we are, to take us well beyond being superficial so that we can learn the things of most worth.

            The ways in which the Holy Ghost teaches are many.  More than once President Marion G. Romney echoed the following: “I always know when I am speaking under the inspiration of the Holy Ghost because I always learn something from what I’ve said’ (quoted in Packer, Teach Ye Diligently, 304).

            In such situations, the substance conveyed is significant, but so is our realization of what is happening! For me, the message is not a whole discourse, but a phrase or a sentence.

Brigham Young taught, "There is not a single condition of life that is entirely unnecessary; there is not one hour's experience but what is beneficial to all those who make it their study, and aim to improve upon the experience they gain"

Healing Your Soul.....

I know that God did not design us to be victims.  Even as we experience the selfish, painful, sometimes evil choices of other people, we are not without the same power to choose not to be further molested by the ghost of our hideous experiences.  We always have a choice.  The tragedy is that so many people become trapped in hell long after their wounds are inflicted.  Just as our bodies are designed to heal and recover from our physical injuries, our souls want to help us to recover from the internal wounds that we’ve suffered.  Without realizing it, however, we are often the ones holding up the process because we do not have the tools, the role models, the maturity, or the spiritual insight to move forward and allow healing to take place.  We have not learned early-detection procedures that would allow us to enjoy a healthier, more balanced quality of life.”

Let it Go, by J. D. Jakes, p 32

Becoming Christ Like......

Becoming Christ like is a lifetime pursuit and very often involves growth and change that is slow, almost imperceptible. The scriptures record remarkable accounts of men whose lives changed dramatically, in an instant, as it were: Alma the Younger, Paul on the road to Damascus, Enos praying far into the night, King Lamoni. Such astonishing examples of the power to change even those steeped in sin give confidence that the Atonement can reach even those deepest in despair.

But we must be cautious as we discuss these remarkable examples. Though they are real and powerful, they are the exception more than the rule. For every Paul, for every Enos, and for every King Lamoni, there are hundreds and thousands of people who find the process of repentance much more subtle, much more imperceptible. Day by day they move closer to the Lord, little realizing they are building a godlike life. They live quiet lives of goodness, service, and commitment. (3 Ne. 9:20; italics added.)

We must not lose hope. Hope is an anchor to the souls of men. Satan would have us cast away that anchor. In this way he can bring discouragement and surrender. But we must not lose hope. The Lord is pleased with every effort, even the tiny, daily ones in which we strive to be more like Him. Though we may see that we have far to go on the road to perfection, we must not give up hope.”

Ezra Taft Benson, “A Mighty Change of Heart,” Ensign, Oct 1989, 2

Some Things Will Not Resolve In This Life.....

Recognize that some challenges in life will not be resolved here on earth. Paul pled thrice that “a thorn in the flesh” be removed. The Lord simply answered, “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” He gave Paul strength to compensate so he could live a most meaningful life. He wants you to learn how to be cured when that is His will and how to obtain strength to live with your challenge when He intends it to be an instrument for growth. In either case the Redeemer will support you. That is why He said, “Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; … For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

To Be Healed, RICHARD G. SCOTT, ENSIGN, MAY, 1994

Spiritual Dead Spots, Why......

So it is with divine communication. The still, small voice, though still and small, is very powerful. It “whispereth through and pierceth all things.” 13 But like my old crystal set, the message may be there but we fail to pick it up. Perhaps something in our lives prevents us from hearing the message because we are “past feeling.” 14 We often put ourselves in spiritual dead spots—places and situations that block out divine messages. Some of these dead spots include anger (resentment, resentment, resentment, self-pity, self-doubt), pornography, transgression, selfishness, and other situations that offend the Spirit.

Messages come to us individually and directly from a divine source and through our presiding officers in the Church.

President James E. Faust, Second Counselor in the First Presidency, Ensign, May, 2004

God Promises a Safe Landing, not a Calm Passage

The will of God never takes you to where the Grace of God will not protect you

Spiritual Dead Spots, Why......

So it is with divine communication. The still, small voice, though still and small, is very powerful. It “whispereth through and pierceth all things.” 13 But like my old crystal set, the message may be there but we fail to pick it up. Perhaps something in our lives prevents us from hearing the message because we are “past feeling.” 14 We often put ourselves in spiritual dead spots—places and situations that block out divine messages. Some of these dead spots include anger (resentment, resentment, resentment, self-pity, self-doubt), pornography, transgression, selfishness, and other situations that offend the Spirit.

Messages come to us individually and directly from a divine source and through our presiding officers in the Church.

President James E. Faust, Second Counselor in the First Presidency, Ensign, May, 2004

God Promises a Safe Landing, not a Calm Passage

The will of God never takes you to where the Grace of God will not protect you

Our Inner Space.....

“We have work to do to strengthen each other and ourselves.  Tolle likens negative, obsessive, painful thinking to pollution.  Unhappiness, he says, spreads more easily than a physical disease.  The negative entity of one person can trigger and feed on the negativity in others, unless they are immune through being highly conscious.  He asks, ‘Are you polluting the world or cleaning up the mess?  You are responsible for your inner space; nobody else is.’ “

From “Power of Now, p 79, as quoted in Light in the Wilderness, by M. Catherine Thomas, p79

Forms of Grace, Ask Heavely Father...

With respect to discerning what to do for others, here also the Lord is our model.  We see that he usually avoids doing for us what we can reasonably do for ourselves-what we need to do for ourselves. Much grace is given after or as we do all that we can do (see 2 Nephi 25:23).  He also often waits for us to ask. 

Here, however, are some forms of grace that people greatly need and that can produce unexpected little miracles:  empathy, patience, tolerance, firmness, forgiveness, listening, kind words, hugs, kisses, smiles, a helping hand, words of encouragement and praise.  These are attributes of godliness; they draw the Spirit into our relationships. 

We remember as well that very powerful grace which is received through the Holy Ghost for another in the form of inspired words, spiritual gifts, and so forth. Notice that these have little to do with unsolicited advice-giving, or taking over because we think another can’t work out his or her own problems with the Lord (or with their family).  We may indeed be called to intervene in another’s life quite directly, but this intervention usually comes most effectively after careful spiritual purification, preparation, and planning.

Spiritual Lightening, M. Catherine Thomas, pp 12-13

How Will We Respond....

Because of the exceedingly great length of the war between the Nephites and the Laminites many had become hardened… and many were softened because of their afflictions, insomuch that they did humble themselves before God, even in the depth of humility.

Alma 62:41

It is inevitable that challenges and obstacles and traumas will come into our lives; they are the stuff of which mortality is made.  Hard times come to all of us whether such things will come but when and, more significantly, how we will respond to them.  The question so often asked by the weary or the downtrodden, the answer is simple:  This is what mortality is all about.  More profitable questions that might be asked during times of trial are, What can I learn from this experience? How would the Lord have me respond?  What action and attitude would bring me the greatest insight?  How can I draw lessons from these difficult times that may one day bless the lives of others?  Those who take such an approach find their hearts softened, their trust in the Lord strengthened, and their burdens lighter.

Unloving thoughts about ourselves and others cannot endure in eternity because they do not perceive things as they really are; they are not true and cannot develop Spirit but only unhappiness.

(C. M. Thomas)

Cause, Cure, Change.....

“Family and friends become codependent as their feelings and actions increasingly depend on what the addict does or doesn’t do.  Gradually, codependents lose control over their own emotions and behavior, and they deal with the addict by adapting and exhibiting the behaviors of rescuing, persecuting, and suffering. Codependency is at its strongest when loved ones become so preoccupied and worried about working out the salvation of the addict that their own salvation is neglected and jeopardized.  In the end, everyone becomes his or her own problem.  Codependents can learn to become responsible to each other, instead of for each other.  Eventually, the codependent can acknowledge that he didn’t cause the addiction, he can’t cure the addiction, and that he can’t control  the addiction.  This acknowledgment is accomplished by the codependent learning how to love the addict as God loves him.” Hold on to Hope, p 37

* The pain of sacrifice lasts only one moment. It is the fear of the pain of sacrifice that makes you hesitate to do it.  “ Sometimes that sacrifice is letting go and letting God take care of our loved ones.  Love is doing what is right and sometimes that is very hard.

HE Wants You TO Succeed.....

He wants you to succeed.

My dear brothers and sisters, there will be days and nights when you feel overwhelmed, when your hearts are heavy and your heads hang down. Then, please remember, Jesus Christ, the Redeemer, is the Head of this Church. It is His gospel. He wants you to succeed. He gave His life for just this purpose. He is the Son of the living God. He has promised:

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).

“For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but my kindness shall not depart from thee” (3 Nephi 22:10). “I have mercy on thee, saith the Lord thy Redeemer” (3 Nephi 22:8).

My dear friends, the Savior heals the broken heart and binds up your wounds (see Psalm 147:3). Whatever your challenges may be, wherever you live on this earth, your faithful membership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and the divine powers of the gospel of Jesus Christ will bless you to endure joyfully to the end.

Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Have We Not Reason to Rejoice?,” Ensign, Nov 2007, 18–21

What Am I Doing With The Past.....

What Am I Doing With The Past.....

What am I doing with what I have?

“What am I doing with what I have?”  This query can be applied in many ways.  Take, for instance, the faculty of being able to remember.  If I have been given the gift of a good, clear memory, how do I use it?  It is not likely that God conferred this gift on me for the purpose of dredging up old wrongs, injured feelings, futile regrets and personal sufferings.  That would clearly be a misuse of His gift, when everyone has so many pleasant and satisfying things to remember.

Today’s Reminder:  What am I doing with this precious ability to recall what happened in the past?  If I use it to remember enjoyments and interesting experiences, it will give me a saving perspective on the problems I am encountering in the here and now.  I can also use the gift of memory for storing up today’s blessings to tide me over future woes.

                                    “Let not thy thoughts dwell upon the days of thy sorrows, but rather on those which brought thee brightness and peace.”

Never judge anyone. When you accept this, you will be freed. In the case of your own children or subordinates, where you have the responsibility to judge, help them to become their own judges. Consequences? 

Unleashing the Dormant Spirit,  F. ENZIO BUSCHE,  BYU May, 1996

The Task Ahead Of Us Is Never As Great As The Power Behind Us.

Things get worse! Things get worse with an effective strategy.  It’s true.  Expect conflict when you stop exhibiting the codependent behaviors of rescuing, persecuting, and suffering.  The addict’s behavior typically gets worse with the behaviors of self-love, unconditional-love and tough-love properly applied.  Family members and close friends will require time to adjust to the addict’s worsened behavior.  It takes both objectivity and courage to initiate effective strategies, knowing that the addict’s threats, yelling, and name calling will increase.  But be assured that the increasing tension is a sign that you are changing and likely eliminating codependent behaviors.  If you are unable to withstand the increased conflict that comes with change, don’t plan a strategy.  Go back and work on self-love and find a support resource…

Hold on to Hope, p 131, 132

The Task ahead of us is never as great as the power behind us.

ONE DAY AT A TIME........

One Day At A Time

Here’s an eye-opening, mind-opening question to ask myself:  What am I doing with what I’ve got?  Instead of crying over what I don’t have, and wishing my life were different, what am I doing with what I’ve got?

Am I so sure I’m doing everything possible to make my life a success?  Am I using my capabilities well?  Do I recognize and appreciate all I have to be grateful for?

Actually I am the possessor of unlimited resources.  The more I do with them, the more they will grow, to overshadow and cancel out the difficult and painful aspects that now get so much of my attention.

Today’s Reminder:  Isn’t my life full of potential good that I’m not using?  Couldn’t I bring it to fruition by changing my attitude?  As a beginning, I will apply liberal amounts of gratitude for even my littlest advantages and pleasures.  When I build on this precious foundation of present, tangible good, things will continue to change for the better.

                        “God make me grateful for all the good things I have been taking for granted.”

Marriage, Waiting....

Someone has said that life is what happens to us while we are making other plans. Because of things over which we have no control, we cannot plan and bring to pass everything we desire in our lives. Many important things will occur in our lives that we have not planned, and not all of them will be welcome….Even our most righteous desires may elude us, or come in different ways or at different times than we have sought to plan.

For example, we cannot be sure that we will marry as soon as we desire. A marriage that is timely in our view may be our blessing or it may not…

The timing of marriage is perhaps the best example of an extremely important event in our lives that is almost impossible to plan. Like other important mortal events that depend on the agency of others or the will and timing of the Lord, marriage cannot be anticipated or planned with certainty. We can and should work for and pray for our righteous desires, but, despite this, many will remain single well beyond their desired time for marriage.

Timing, DALLIN H. OAKS, BYU, 29 January 2002

* God knows better than you what you need. He always attempts to speak to you. Listen, and follow the uncomfortable suggestions that he makes to us--everything will fall into its place. “

Unleashing the Dormant Spirit,  F. ENZIO BUSCHE,  BYU May, 1996

Forgive vs., Forget.......

“Forgive vs. Forget.  Forgiving the loved one and yourself does not mean that the codependent will forget.  In most cases there are many horrible memories of what the person has done to you and what you have done to the them in the privacy of your home.  The chances of these memories quickly disappearing are not likely.  Simply said, amnesia is not part of recovery.  For example, adult children of alcoholics who were abused earlier in their lives have worked through the pain, and forgiven their parent, still have memories.  Do not measure the healing process by how much you forget, but how much you can forgive.  The healing codependent will remember the events, but having forgiven the addict and themselves, will have less emotional pain than if they had not forgiven.” (Hold On To Hope. P.  90.)

Forgive vs., Forget.......

“Forgive vs. Forget.  Forgiving the loved one and yourself does not mean that the codependent will forget.  In most cases there are many horrible memories of what the person has done to you and what you have done to the them in the privacy of your home.  The chances of these memories quickly disappearing are not likely.  Simply said, amnesia is not part of recovery.  For example, adult children of alcoholics who were abused earlier in their lives have worked through the pain, and forgiven their parent, still have memories.  Do not measure the healing process by how much you forget, but how much you can forgive.  The healing codependent will remember the events, but having forgiven the addict and themselves, will have less emotional pain than if they had not forgiven.” (Hold On To Hope. P.  90.)

YOU CAN’T BECOME WHO YOU NEED TO BE BY REMAINING WHO YOU ARE.....

Look To Yourself

One Day at a Time

LOOK TO YOURSELF.  What am I doing that creates difficulties for me or aggravates the ones I have?  Could it be that I am trying to fix everything by finding fault with somebody else?  I am encouraged to examine MY impulses, motives, actions and words.  This helps me to correct the causes of my own unease and not blame it on others.

At first, the idea that we might be at fault isn’t easy to accept.  We find it hard to believe that our behavior isn’t all it should be. 

Once I overcome the habit of justifying everything I do, and make use of such tools as courtesy, tenderness and a warm interest it others, miracles will happen.  This I know because I have seen them happen to others who tried.

            “If you cannot make yourself what you would like to be, how can you expect to have another person exactly to your wishes?  We want to see others perfect, yet our own faults go unattended.: (Thomas A’Kempis)

YOU CAN’T BECOME WHO YOU NEED TO BE BY REMAINING WHO YOU ARE.

* God knows that you are not perfect. As you suffer about your imperfections, he will give you comfort and suggestions of where to improve.  “

Unleashing the Dormant Spirit,  F. ENZIO BUSCHE,  BYU May, 1996

Judging.........

"Don't judge me because my sins are different from yours" !

Forgiveness.......

“When it comes to the question of our forgiving other people, it is partly the same and partly different.  It is the same because, here also, forgiving does not mean excusing.  Many people seem to think it does.  They think that if you ask them to forgive someone who has cheated or bullied them you are trying to make out that that there was really no cheating or no bullying.  But if that were so, there would be nothing to forgive.  They keep on replying, “But I tell you the man broke a most solemn promise. “ Exactly: that is precisely what you have to forgive. (This doesn’t mean that you must necessarily believe his next promise.  It does mean that you must make every effort to kill every taste of resentment in your own heart-every wish to humiliate or hurt him or to pay him out.) The difference between this situation and the one in which you are asking God’s forgiveness is this.  In our own case we accept excuses too easily; in other people’s we do not accept them easily enough.  As regards my own sins it is a safe bet (though not a certainty) that the excuses are not really so good as I think; as regards other men’s sins against me it is a safe bet (though not a certainty) that the excuses are better than I think. One must therefore begin by attending to everything which may show that the other man was not so much to blame as we thought. But even if he is absolutely fully to blame we still have to forgive him; and even if ninety-nine percent of his apparent guilt can be explained away by really good excuses, the problem of forgiveness begins with the one percent of guilt which is left over.  To excuse what can really produce good excuses is not Christian charity; it is only fairness. To be Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.

This is hard. It is perhaps not so hard to forgive a single great injury. But to forgive the incessant provocations of daily life-to keep on forgiving the bossy mother-in-law, the bullying husband, the nagging wife, the selfish daughter, the deceitful son-how can we do it? Only, I think, by remembering where we stand, by meaning our words when we say in our prayers each “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us.”  We are offered forgiveness on no other terms.  To refuse it is to refuse God’s mercy for ourselves. There is no hint of exceptions and God means what He says.”

C. S. Lewis, Weight of Glory, pp. 181-183.

In Reviewing My Day......

Review our day

President Howard W. Hunter suggested reviewing our day through personal prayer: ―While communicating with our Father in Heaven, we ponder our thoughts, words, and deeds of the day and seek help in our personal progress for the morrow. The practice of reviewing the past and setting new directions for the future is a very healthy one, a scripturally encouraging one, in which we can beneficially alter our lives‖ (Howard W. Hunter, ―The Dauntless Spirit of Resolution,‖ fireside talk delivered at Brigham Young University 5 Jan. 1992).

Some possible questions we may ponder are:

 Did I pray for the Spirit to guide me?

 What am I grateful for today?

 What progress did I make?

 In what ways was I kind and loving?

 Was I able to “let go and let God”?

 Did faith or fear control my thoughts?

 Am I taking care of myself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually?

If Not Love,Hold On To Hope......

To those of you who have been through such a terrible experience  such as mine, we love you.  We pray for you and we understand.  We find you pure and guiltless before God.  We are confident that the Lord will find you without blemish, and that His love will encircle you and bring peace to your overburdened soul.  You can live without love, but you can’t live without hope.  What I am saying is that if the Lord will take a scroungy little kid like I was, who had to wear  nurse’s shoes to church, and beg for groceries, and call him to be a high counselor, a stake president, a second counselor in the Presiding Bishopric and a member of the First Quorum of the Seventy, believe that He can do just as much for you. Please hope on until you reach understanding.  God is with you and will dry your tears.

Vaughn J. Featherstone, as quoted in “Hold on to Hope,”  p42

Parents Love & Fear.....

Although we bring personal weaknesses to our parenting that may provide real opposition for our children, we do not need to feel that all is lost. We remember that our Heavenly Father knows the end from the beginning. (See Abr. 2:8.) He knew beforehand the ignorance, the failings, the confusion, and the spiritual infirmities of each of his children— including those who would become parents. Knowing all these things, the Lord prepared the gospel plan and allowed us the experiences of mortality, with certain compensations and blessings and talents available within the child or along life’s path that would help the child as he or she struggled with opposition. God provides ample opportunity to learn and recover from the opposition (for us and our loved ones). (See 2 Ne. 2:11, 15; Ether 12:27, 37.)

A Parent’s Love and Fear By M. Catherine Thomas

Anger......

Anger is an uncivil attempt to make another feel guilty or a cruel way of trying to correct them. It is often mislabeled as discipline but is almost always counterproductive. Therefore the scriptural warning: “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them,” and “fathers provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged” (Col. 3:19, 21).

Choice and accountability are inseparable principles. Because anger is a choice, there is a strong warning in the proclamation “that individuals … who abuse spouse or offspring, … will one day stand accountable before God.”

Understanding the connection between agency and anger is the first step in eliminating it from our lives. We can choose not to become angry. And we can make that choice today, right now: “I will never become angry again.” Ponder this resolution.

The 121st section of the Doctrine and Covenants is one of our best sources to learn correct leadership principles. Perhaps the most important application of section 121 is to spouses and parents. We are to lead our families by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness, kindness, and meekness, and by love unfeigned (see D&C 121:41–42).

Lynn G. Robbins, “Agency and Anger,” Ensign, May 1998, 80

Building Our Character Through Endurance....

The thing we can do is seek for the eternal. You may feel singled out when adversity enters your life. You shake your head and wonder, “Why me?”

But the dial on the wheel of sorrow eventually points to each of us. At one time or another, everyone must experience sorrow. No one is exempt.

I love the scriptures because they show examples of great and noble men and women such as Abraham, Sarah, Enoch, Moses, Joseph, Emma, and Brigham. Each of them experienced adversity and sorrow that tried, fortified, and refined their characters.

Learning to endure times of disappointment, suffering, and sorrow is part of our on-the-job training. These experiences while often difficult to bear at the time, are precisely the kinds of experiences that stretch our understanding, build our character, and increase our compassion for others.

Because Jesus Christ suffered greatly, He understands our suffering. He understands our grief. We experience hard things so that we too may have increased compassion and understanding for others.

Joseph B. Wirthlin, “Come What May, and Love It,” Ensign, Nov 2008, 26–28

We Are More Divine, Than Temporal......

Sister Holland: I want to add here that all of us need to remember we are more divine than we are temporal and only the adversary would have us believe otherwise. Remember we are truly spiritual beings having a short temporal experience. If we can remember that, we can more readily call upon those spiritual gifts that are ours and that have been made powerful in us through the Atonement of Christ. I read a poet recently who wrote of the “consuming fire of Christ,” a divine flame that would burn away our sins and shortcomings, our sorrows and inadequacies. That is something I want to pass on to the next generation—“the consuming fire of Christ”—a fire set by our own love.

In that spirit may I say that one of my great wishes for this women’s conference, is that it will be a time when we stop “beating up” on ourselves and let the grace of heaven—this divine flame if you will—wash over us and make us whole—truly “holy.” Remember, no matter what you have done, you can be forgiven of it, so get the process started by forgiving yourself and let repentance lead you on to the miracle of God’s forgiveness.

Take hope. Look up. Be good to yourself, because your Heavenly Father surely wants to be good to you. Let’s let the Spirit envelope us, make us calm, and heal our souls.

What Time Is This? Elder Jeffrey R. Holland and Patricia T. Holland, Friday, May 4, 2007, at the BYU Women’s Conference

When There Is Nothing Left But God......

WHEN THERE IS NOTHING LEFT BUT GOD, THAT IS WHEN YOU FIND OUT THAT GOD IS ALL YOU NEED

Success of Parents....

“The measure of our success as parents, however, will not rest solely on how our children turn out.  That judgment would be just only if we could raise our families in a perfectly moral environment, and that now is not possible.

“It is not uncommon for responsible parents to lose one or more of their children, for a time, to influences over which they have no control.  They agonize over rebellious sons and daughters.  They are puzzled over why they are so helpless when they have tried so hard to do what they should.  It is my conviction that those wicked influences one day will be overruled....

“We cannot overemphasize the value of temple marriage, the binding ties of the sealing ordinance, and the standards of worthiness required of them.  When parents keep the covenants they have made at the altar of the temple, their children will be forever bound to them” (Elder Boyd K. Packer. in Conference Report, Apr. 1992, 94 ;).

“Those born under the covenant, throughout all eternity, are the children of their parents.  Nothing except the unpardonable sin, or sin unto death, can break this tie.  If children do not sin as John says [1 John 5:16-17], ‘unto death,’ the parents may still feel after them and eventually bring them back to them again” (Joseph Fielding Smith, Doctrines of Salvation, 2:90)

Do Not Measure...

“Forgive vs. Forget. Forgiving the addict and yourself does not mean that the codependent will forget. In most cases there are many horrible memories of what the addict has done to you and what you have done to the addict in the privacy of your home. The chances of these memories quickly disappearing are not likely. Simply said, amnesia is not part of recovery. For example, adult children of alcoholics who were abused earlier in their lives have worked through the pain, and forgiven their parent, still have memories. Do not measure the healing process by how much you forget, but how much you can forgive. The healing codependent will remember the events, but having forgiven the addict and themselves, will have less emotional pain than if they had not forgiven.”

(Hold On To Hope. P. 90.)

Divine Love Is Also Conditional

“While divine love can be called perfect, infinite, enduring, and universal, it cannot correctly be characterized as unconditional. The word does not appear in the scriptures. On the other hand, many verses affirm that the higher levels of love the Father and the Son feel for each of us—and certain divine blessings stemming from that love—are conditional.

Why is divine love conditional? Because God loves us and wants us to be happy. “Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it; and this path is virtue, uprightness, faithfulness, holiness, and keeping all the commandments of God.”

Russell M. Nelson, “Divine Love,” Ensign, Feb 2003, 20

Called To Serve....................

God knows you perfectly. He loves you perfectly. His Only Begotten Son, Jesus, has asked you, "Come, follow me." Thus, in a real and majestic sense, each of us here tonight has been "called to serve"!

"Called to Serve" NEAL A. MAXWELL Brigham Young University on 27 March 1994

Love Includes.......

Love is doing what is right for our loved ones, that includes ourselves.  What is RIGHT for me?  Healing would be one thing.

Holy/Happy!!!!

Thought for Today

Rick Warren , 'Purpose Driven Life '

"People ask me, What is the purpose of life? And I respond: In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were not made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven. One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body-- but not the end of me. I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity. We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense. Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one. The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort; God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy. We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness. This past year has been the greatest year of my life; but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer.
I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore. Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life. No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for. You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems: If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, which is my problem, my issues, my pain.' But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others. We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her. It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people. You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life.

We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity? Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes for my life? When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know you more and love you better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do. That's why we're called human beings, not human doings."

Scratching Wounds...

The more serious the sin, the greater the effort it takes to repent. But if we work daily at turning completely to the Lord, we can stand blameless before the Savior. The key is to allow the Lord to complete the healing process without reopening the wound. Just as it takes time for a wound of the body to heal, so it takes time for a wound of the soul to heal.

If I cut myself, for example, the wound will gradually heal. But as it heals, it may begin to itch, and if I scratch it, it may open up again and take longer to heal. But there is a greater danger. If I scratch the wound, it may become infected from the bacteria on my fingers. I may poison the wound and lose that part of my body or even my life!

We must allow injuries to follow their prescribed healing course. If they are serious, we must see a doctor for skilled help. So it is with injuries to the soul. Allow the injury to follow its prescribed healing course without “scratching” it through vain regrets. If the transgression requires ecclesiastical confession, go to your bishop and get spiritual help. It may hurt as he disinfects the wound and sews it back together, but it will heal properly that way.

The Meaning of Repentance, Elder Theodore M. Burton, Aug, 1988

Furnishing Our Mental State.....

God doesn’t give you the people you like; He gives you the people you NEED…to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you the person He knows you were meant to be.

If we want a particular kind of experience out of life and a particular kind of relationship with the Lord, we have to be selective about how we furnish our mental space.

“Light in the Wilderness, M. Catherine Thomas, p106-107

“If we increase our dependence on anything or anyone except the Lord, we will find an immediate decrease in our freedom to act.”

"Don't judge me because my sins are different from yours" !

LET GO....LET GOD...... (love this)

One of our sayings is “Let Go and Let God”. This is what it means.

LET GO. . .

To “let go” does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.

To “let go” is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization I can’t control another.

To “let go” is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To “let go” is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To “let go” is not to try to change or blame another, it’s to make the most of myself.

To “let go” is not to care for, but to care about.

To “let go” is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To “let go” is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To “let go” is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.

To “let go” is not to be protective, it’s to permit another to face reality.

To “let go” is not to deny, but to accept and move forward.

To “let go” is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.

To “let go” is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and to cherish myself in it.

To “let go” is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To “let go” is to not regret the past, but to grow and to live for the future.

To “let go” is to fear less and to love more and Trust God more.

(Author Unknown)

Forgiving Others......

Attachments to the past .... Keep you from going to the future!!!!

14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:

15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

D&C 6:14-15

Your "Inner-State"........

“…when somebody says something to you that is rude or designed to hurt, ‘instead of going into unconscious reaction and negativity, such as attack, defense, or withdraw, you let it pass right through you’ as though you were transparent, so that it no longer hits a solid ‘wall’ inside you. That does not mean of course that you don’t tell ‘that person that his or her behavior is unacceptable, if that is what you choose to do. But that person no longer has the power to control your inner state. You are then in your power-not in someone else’s.” (Eckhart Tolle, Practicing the Power of Now, Novato, California, New World Library.)

“Light in the Wilderness,” M. Catherine Thomas, P 83-84

Perfections.....??????

“A parent or spouse who prays, goes to church, pays tithing, has family home evening, and obeys all the other commandments has only one guarantee: that they have become a perfect parent or spouse, not that they will necessarily have perfect children or a perfect marriage partner….It is your primary responsibility to be a celestial mate, not to make your mate celestial.” Hold on to Hope. P. 75

Challenges Design For Spitual Growth......

Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles explained that God provides us with challenges that are designed to help us grow spiritually: “Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously.  When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more (see Proverbs 3:11-12).  He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit.  To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain” (Conference Report Oct. 1995)

Lack of Desire To Forgive ...

Quotes 2 Nephi 31:20 then..."All the faithful Saints, all of those who have endured to the end, depart this life with the absolute guarantee of eternal life.  There is no equivocation, no doubt, no uncertainty in our minds.  Those who have been true and faithful in this life will not fall by the wayside in the life to come.  ...Though they have not yet become perfect they shall nevertheless gain eternal life in our Father's Kingdom; and eventually they shall be perfect as God their Father and Christ His Son are perfect."  Bruce R. McConkie, Ensign Nov. 1976, p. 107

“In my humble understanding, it can be said that there are only two elements that separate us from the Holy Spirit: First, our lack of desire to repent, and, second, our lack of desire to forgive.”

Unleashing the Dormant Spirit F. ENZIO BUSCHE BYU May, 1996

Staying Out Of The Way......

“Of course, attentive parents and loved ones can nurture many aspects of a child’s potential and teach many skills. But each person comes with plans and covenants and predispositions already in place. As nurturing efforts go forward, parents and teachers soon reach that core of the premortal spirit that will not respond to the most skillful shaping efforts. This girl is going to play basketball no matter how many dolls we give her. It is peaceful wisdom to realize the formative power of pre-mortal events and to recognize the validity of many different attributes, strengths and weakness in the people who cross our path, as they work out their own salvation. Since we can never be sure what the Lord is doing with a person, it is our opportunity to consider staying out of the way.”

“Light in the Wilderness,” M. Catherine Thomas, P71

The will of God never takes you to where the grace of God will not protect you

Do what is right for those you love and then TRUST God

Sometimes RIGHT is hard

D&C 61

61~ If thou shalt ask, thou shalt receive revelation upon revelation,knowledge upon knowledge, that thou mayest know the mysteriesand peaceable things—that which bringeth joy, that which bringeth life eternal.

He Can Heal Any Wound...... (love this one)

“It happened on December 16, 1991—our eighth wedding anniversary. On that day our first son died as the result of a babysitter’s actions. He was only two and a half months old.
The following months and years were clouded by sadness, anger, disappointment, and hopelessness. The personal turmoil that overcame me is indescribable. Nothing anyone said or did eased my pain.

I had the rare opportunity to counsel with Elder James E. Faust (1920–2007), then of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.

I asked many questions while he patiently listened. Elder Faust acknowledged that what I had experienced was certainly painful and extremely difficult. He shared several scriptures and talked about the need to work through my grief and find total submission to the Lord’s will in order to be reunited with my son again. He said, “Sylvia, this is about you now. I realize you are worried about your son, but in reality, you should be worried about yourself and how to rebuild your life. It won’t be easy, but you can mend your heart through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.”
I left our meeting still discouraged; his counsel seemed so simple and yet so unattainable. My mother felt hopeless as well since nothing she said to me seemed to help. I recall her saying, “Please have faith and hope in our Savior, and allow time to heal your wounds.”
In my personal journey to attain joy once again, I decided to take to heart the advice I had been given and find out what it truly meant to put my faith in the Savior. Things didn’t change immediately. But day by day and year by year, with the help of prayer and a growing testimony, I came to know without a doubt that the Savior can heal our wounds.”

Sylvia Erbolato Christensen, “He Can Heal Any Wound,” Ensign, Jul 2010, 8

Exercise Patience......

The ultimate purpose of our suffering adversity in this telestial sphere is to give us “EXPERIENCE”THAT WILL BENEFIT US IN WAYS WE CANNOT FORESEE. There is a divine law at work here: without going through certain experiences that are tailored for our own good, we cannot be “exalted on high.” D&C 121:7-8 “My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.” We will recognize some of these experiences in our own lives. For the faithful, trials come in the form of a calling from the Lord, as the scripture clearly says we are “called to pass through tribulations.” Through no fault of our own, we might see many of our hopes frustrated as “the elements combine to hedge up the way.” We might be “cast into the pit” of depression or illness or addiction. Still, tribulations are calculated to help us toward our ultimate exaltation in the intricate plan of the Lord for each of his children. Our task is to “endure it well,” meaning to EXERCISE PATIENCE AND FAITH IN THE SAVIOR. The Apostle Paul understood that when we face adversity and patience, the resulting “experience” is the basis of our hope for eternal progression in the kingdom of God: “We glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope.”

Breck England

Eliminate ALL.....

It is possible to live with all your power in the present. You can replace old doubts with new hopes. So clean out that closet in your mind and haul a load of needless negative baggage off to D.I.

You can begin by practicing just three simple exercises in right thinking: (1) Remember that any failure is only temporary in the gospel of Jesus Christ. The decision to carry on in spite of disappointment turns the worst circumstance into success. (2) There can be no self-pity--and that means no self-pity. Nothing dissipates our strength faster or more quickly drives away those who would truly wish to help us than self-pity. (3) Eliminate all "would haves," "could haves," "should haves," and " if onlys." What has happened is past and finished. Leave it there. Profound power will come in living and making things right in the present.

Be Renewed in the Spirit of your Mind PATRICIA T. HOLLAND Brigham Young University on 6 September 1988

Eternal Marrige......

Eternal Marriage!!! If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. … It becomes special because you have made it so.

Sustaining Power of Faith.....

You can learn to use faith more effectively by applying this principle taught by Moroni: “Faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.” Thus, every time you try your faith, that is, act in worthiness on an impression, you will receive the confirming evidence of the Spirit. Those feelings will fortify your faith. As you repeat that pattern, your faith will become stronger. The Lord knows your needs. When you ask with honesty and real intent, He will prompt you to do that which will increase your ability to act in faith. With consistent practice, faith will become a vibrant, powerful, uplifting, inspiring force in your life. As you walk to the boundary of your understanding into the twilight of uncertainty, exercising faith, you will be led to find solutions you would not obtain otherwise. I testify that I know that is true.

Richard G. Scott, “The Sustaining Power of Faith in Times of Uncertainty and Testing,” Ensign, May 2003, 75

Power Over Our Myself....

One Day at A Time

We hear and read, over and over again, that we are powerless over the behavior of others, and that their business is not our responsibility. It may seem paradoxical, then, to assert that we, the loved ones, can have a tremendous influence in bring about good behavior, sobriety and helping them to maintain a good way of life.

When we continue to nag and domineer, complain and criticize, taking over their responsibilities, we are assuming, in large measure, the responsibility for deferred sobriety or good behavior.

As we abandon the role of accuser, judge, manager and “helper”, the climate shows marked improvement. A pleasant, cheerful environment, which we can create often creates in our loved ones a desire to get sober and change their behavior.

Being powerless over our loved ones means that it cannot be done by force. A change in our attitude has a limitless power to bring serenity and order to our lives.

“I am not powerless over myself, and the way I act and react. This is, in itself, a power that can work miracles in changing the attitudes of others.”

Men Are, That They Might Have Joy......

Sadness, disappointment, and severe challenge are events in life, not life itself. I do not minimize how hard some of these events are. They can extend over a long period of time, but they should not be allowed to become the confining center of everything you do. The Lord inspired Lehi to declare the fundamental truth, “Men are, that they might have joy.” ¹ That is a conditional statement: “they might have joy.” It is not conditional for the Lord. His intent is that each of us finds joy. It will not be conditional for you as you obey the commandments, have faith in the Master, and do the things that are necessary to have joy here on earth.

Your joy in life depends upon your trust in Heavenly Father and His holy Son, your conviction that their plan of happiness truly can bring you joy. Pondering their doctrine will let you enjoy the beauties of this earth and enrich your relationships with others. It will lead you to the comforting, strengthening experiences that flow from prayer to Father in Heaven and the answers He gives in return.

A pebble held close to the eye appears to be a gigantic obstacle. Cast on the ground, it is seen in perspective. Likewise, problems or trials in our lives need to be viewed in the perspective of scriptural doctrine. Otherwise they can easily overtake our vision, absorb our energy, and deprive us of the joy and beauty the Lord intends us to receive here on earth. Some people are like rocks thrown into a sea of problems. They are drowned by them. Be a cork. When submerged in a problem, fight to be free to bob up to serve again with happiness.

Finding Joy in Life , Elder Richard G. Scott, Ensign, May, 1996

Sorrow vs Triumph.....

Sometimes we spend so much time trying to determine what we did wrong in the past to deserve the unpleasant happenings of the moment that we fail to resolve the challenges of the present. Og Mandino wrote in his book The Greatest Miracle in the World. “If we lock ourselves in a prison of failure and self-pity, we are the only jailers…we have the only key to our freedom.” We can let ourselves out of such a prison by turning to the Lord for strength. With His help we can use our trials as stepping stones. The keys are in our hands. “I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise. (D&C 82:10.) If we are offended and resentful, can we believe that He is bound to help us in our tragedies and disappointments? This scripture does not tell us how or when this commitment will be effective or realized, but His promise is real and binding. Our challenge is to endure (progress). There will always be testing’s and trials along life’s paths. Heartaches and tragedies need not defeat us if we remember God’s promise. A worthwhile attitude for all of us could well be, “Help me O Lord, to remember thy love for us and help us to be fortified by thy strength when our eyes are blurred with tears of sorrow and our vision is limited.” It is expedient for all of us, particularly those who may be weighed down by grief because of acts of misconduct or misfortune, to recall that even the Prophet Joseph Smith had hours of despair because of his very trying experiences in the Liberty Jail. Perhaps he too was entitled to question, “What did I do wrong? What have I done to displease Thee, O Lord? Where have I failed? Why are the answers to my prayers and pleas withheld?” In response to the feelings of his heart and mind he cried out; “O God, where art Thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place:” D&C 121:1.) The reassuring response came: “MY SON, PEACE BE UNTO THY SOUL; THINE ADVERSITY AND THINE AFFLICTIONS SHALL BE BUT A SMALL MOMENT; “AND THEN IF THOU ENDURE IT WELL, GOD SHALL EXALT THEE ON HIGH; THOU SHALT TRIUMPH OVER ALL THY FOES.” (d&c 121: 7-8.)

Turmoil and Challeges.......

When all the challenges pour down on you, you will have a quiet inner feeling of support. You will be prompted to know what to do. You can live in a world of turmoil and great challenge and be at peace. You will be inspired to know what to do and to have the power or capacity to do it. Remember  this promise of the Lord as clarified by President Harold B. Lee: “Ye are to be taught from on high. Sanctify yourselves [that is, keep my commandments] and ye shall be endowed with power.” (D&C 43:16.) Richard G. Scott, “Making the Right Decisions,” Ensign, May 1991, 34  

Feelings of a Tender Parent.....

Feelings of a Tender Parent

Every parent faces moments of fear. However, when we exercise our faith by teaching our children and doing what we can to help them, our fears will diminish. Lehi girded up his loins, and with faith “he did exhort [his children] with all the feeling of a tender parent, that they would hearken to his words, that perhaps the Lord would be merciful to them.” And “he bade them to keep the commandments of the Lord.”
We too must have the faith to teach our children and bid them to keep the commandments. We should not let their choices weaken our faith. Our worthiness will not be measured according to their righteousness. Lehi did not lose the blessing of feasting at the tree of life because Laman and Lemuel refused to partake of its fruit. Sometimes as parents we feel we have failed when our children make mistakes or stray. Parents are never failures when they do their best to love, teach, pray, and care for their children. Their faith, prayers, and efforts will be consecrated to the good of their children.

Robert D. Hales, “With All the Feeling of a Tender Parent: A Message of Hope to Families,” Ensign, May 2004, 88

Reactions To Others.......

It is not easy to restrain ourselves from reaction to what others do that seems to affect us. A healthy detachment brings about the very changes we were powerless to make by continually fighting the problem.

“God helps those who don’t try to take over His work.”

And Nothing Shall Offend Them......

"When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not acondition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else.

In the grand division of all of God’s creations, there are things to act and things to be acted upon (see 2 Nephi 2:13–14). As sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father, we have been blessed with the gift of moral agency, the capacity for independent action and choice. Endowed with agency, you and I are agents, and we primarily are to act and not just be acted upon. To believe that someone or something can make us feel offended, angry, hurt, or bitter diminishes our moral agency and transforms us into objects to be acted upon. As agents, however, you and I have the power to act and to choose how we will respond to an offensive or hurtful situation. 

"David A. Bednar in the November 2006 Conference called "And Nothing Shall Offend Them". I quote:

The idea of 'acting' versus 'being acted upon' is a really cool concept that you can think a lot about. Every time we choose to not get angry, offended, upset, or bitter towards someone we are choosing to act instead of being acted upon. I am grateful that the example Jesus Christ gave was to act, and that by acting we not only better ourselves but are more capable to serve others and bring to pass our missionary purpose. I love this church and I love this restored gospel. I love you all lots too!

-Anziano Benjamin Smith

Judging.......

“It is better that a man should be judged of God than of man, for the judgments of God are always just, but judgments of man are not always just. (Mosiah 29:12)

Even the best of people can make mistakes in judgment. Because our vision is limited and we can never fully know the thoughts and intents of another, our judgments are finite and often less than perfect. How reassuring to know that there is ONE who looks on the heart (1 Samuel 16:7), One whose judgments are merciful yet just, One who knows the beginning and the end—and everything in between. We can trust our righteous judge (Moses 6:57) because he is perfect and his judgments are flawless. The words of Abinadi echo down the centuries. “The time shall come when all shall see the salvation of the Lord; when every nation, kindred, tongue, and people shall see eye to eye and shall confess before God that his judgments are just” (Mosiah 16:1). Perfect judgment is the province alone of him who is perfect.

The Best Is Yet To Come......

As a new year begins and we try to benefit from a proper view of what has gone before, I plead with you not to dwell on days now gone nor to yearn vainly for yesterdays, however good those yesterdays may have been. The past is to be learned from but not lived in. We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we look ahead and remember that faith is always pointed toward the future. Faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives.

Jeffrey R. Holland, “The Best Is Yet to Be,” Ensign, Jan 2010, 22–27

Patience.....

I learned that patience was far more than simply waiting for something to happen—patience required actively working toward worthwhile goals and not getting discouraged when results didn’t appear instantly or without effort.
There is an important concept here: patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!

Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Continue in Patience,” Ensign, May 2010, 56–59

The Atonement.....

The Atonement not only benefits the sinner but also benefits those sinned against—that is, the victims. By forgiving “those who trespass against us” (JST, Matt. 6:13) the Atonement brings a measure of peace and comfort to those who have been innocently victimized by the sins of others. The basic source for the healing of the soul is the Atonement of Jesus Christ. This is true whether it be from the pain of a personal tragedy or a terrible national calamity… .
A sister who had been through a painful divorce wrote of her experience in drawing from the Atonement. She said: “Our divorce … did not release me from the obligation to forgive. I truly wanted to do it, but it was as if I had been commanded to do something of which I was simply incapable.” Her bishop gave her some sound advice: “Keep a place in your heart for forgiveness, and when it comes, welcome it in.” Many months passed as this struggle to forgive continued. She recalled: “During those long, prayerful moments … I tapped into a life-giving source of comfort from my loving Heavenly Father. I sense that he was not standing by glaring at me for not having accomplished forgiveness yet; rather he was sorrowing with me as I wept. …
“In the final analysis, what happened in my heart is for me an amazing and miraculous evidence of the Atonement of Christ. I had always viewed the Atonement as a means of making repentance work for the sinner. I had not realized that it also makes it possible for the one sinned against to receive into his or her heart the sweet peace of forgiving.”

James E. Faust, “The Atonement: Our Greatest Hope,” Ensign, Nov 2001, 18